Stamped: April 27th, 2008 | Related Posts
Tagged: once.

I think I found answers to my confused state.

First thing, with my friend, things are back to normal. Well it depends where normality stands. Now it is a “fact” that everytime we see and walk in the street, we hold hands. But I still feel very uncomfortable about that. Because people look at you, but not because they despise gay couples, but simply because they find it hot…

Anyway. She kissed me again. So I assume that the kiss on the lips is a good bye kiss like another one. When we kiss good bye in the street she just keeps on kissing me close to the lips. But two kisses instead of one.
And we still talk about guys and stuff like that. And she doesn’t know I’m bi.
But at least now, kissing and holding hands is a routine.

My second state of confusion due to my fake feelings, I guess I know where it comes from. I have a crush on somebody I totally don’t know. And it bugs me. I don’t understand how it is humanly possible to love someone that you don’t know (never met, never talked to, seldom email to), and to be so obssessed about that.
But today I went to the movies, and saw ONCE, and one of the first songs that the main characters sang was ” I don’t know you, But I want you, And that’s why I love you all the more” and that’s how I realize the obvious.

It’s clear to me now. It helps me understand my state of need and frustration. But still it doesn’t ease the pain. I’m lovesick.

Another topic, tomorrow 28 April, Hard Candy will be released. So I’ll rush to the store after work.